It has been a while since I've posted anything on the blog. The main reason, I guess, is because I haven't wanted Seth's prints to move further down the page. Other reasons are I've just had a hard time last week. It was definitely my hardest week thus far after Seth's death. I keep wanting to say after "losing" Seth. His death was a loss in our family... but his brief life was a gain. Also, I read something that changed my way of thinking. I have not "lost" Seth. I KNOW exactly where he is. He is safe & secure in Heaven. I am so thankful for this TRUTH! God made us eternal beings. If we are not here on Earth, then we are in eternity. Thankfully, Seth is on the Heaven side of eternity!
A friend whose first baby is also in Heaven at the age of 20 weeks introduced me to a song "Glory Baby" by the husband & wife Christian group Watermark. They wrote this song after a miscarriage, I believe. One of the phrases in the song that I think about is "you'll just have Heaven before we do." In the grand scheme of eternity, Seth will only beat us to Heaven by a little bit. I have to keep that in mind.
I know many, if not everyone, is experiencing some sort of grief. I think of those in China who have lost so many & their families are so small due to government restrictions. I think of those in Myanmar who are so oppressed & devastated at this time. My heart breaks for these people, not only because of their losses but because most of them do not have Christ. They don't even have access to a Bible! I can't even imagine experiencing the death of Seth without the power of God's Word in my life. Father, please allow these people to have a Bible of their own in their heart language. May the Holy Spirit speak to them through your Word so they might understand & believe!
I think of you, our friends and family, who have lost loved ones... a spouse, a parent, a child or those of you who are experiencing major sickness. Grief is different for everyone. Every situation is unique. However the pain is very similar. I am thankful that God understands our pain. He knows we will mourn. The scriptures say there is a time for mourning and blessed are those who mourn, so I know this is "normal." It is hard to remember that.
Speaking of "normal," a long time ago I read a book
Normal is Just a Setting on Your Dryer by Patsy Clairmont. I don't remember the specifics of this book. Basically, I remember that it was a bunch of short humorous stories (from a Christian perspective). But the title of the book has always stuck with me, but not until lately has this phrase REALLY sunk in.
I keep waiting for life to be NORMAL again. I must honestly say I've been waiting for this since Olivia was born. (Okay, you can stop laughing.) Once you have kids, I guess life is pretty much never "normal" again. But maybe it was the death of Seth that made this reality sink in. I kept asking God, myself, & others when "normal" would return. I kept striving for normal. (You know I have high expectations for myself that I never really meet.) Finally, I guess God shouted that title to me in one of my asking times... when will life be normal again, when will I feel normal, when will our schedule be normal? So, now when I start asking one of these questions immediately I think that normal is just a setting on my dryer. =0) Amazingly, this helps!
I need to LIVE one day at a time, taking one step at a time. Sometimes I have to stop and weep... thank you for those who weep with me. Thank you for wanting to hear about my Seth. Thank you for asking. Thank you for not forgetting that our hearts are broken. Thank you for praying with us. Thank you for being our friends & mourning with us. Thank you for realizing I may not be functioning at 100% all the time. Thank you for not using cliches. Thank you for loving us.
I am so thankful that I have a God who is sovereign. I know He loves me & my family. I know He continues to help me through this day by day. I am willing to follow Him wherever He leads me. Thank you for being patient with me as I realize my new "normal" is different from anything I've experienced before. Thank you for continuing to pray for us as we take one step at a time. Thank you for still allowing us to be a part of your life & pray for you! We still believe in prayer! We still believe God can do miracles! He is the same yesterday, today, & tomorrow. We can REST in that!
Love,
Melinda
We all got to hold & love on Samuel for the first time last Wednesday. The kids were so in love. It was just wonderful to watch them & the joy on their faces while holding their new cousin! Well, Wesley didn't want to hold him, but he sure did love him. He just wanted to keep touching him. Today when Marcia came over with him, Wesley got up from his nap & saw the empty carrier & started searching for him. (I was holding him, but we were both wearing the same color green, so Wesley couldn't see him.) It was too adorable watching him search for his cousin. Okay back to last week... Olivia would hold him then go play then come back to hold him again. Derek didn't hold him long, but gosh look how proud he is to hold him! Emma adored him. She held him for a long while. Then she started touching his hand as you can see in the picture. Then she was putting it up to his mouth. We asked her if she was trying to get him to suck his thumb... she sheepishly said, "yes." It was too cute! (For those who don't know, she is an AVID thumb sucker & hair twirler!) When the kids weren't holding him, I was hogging him. Oh, how sweet to hold a baby all snuggled on you sleeping! Thank you, Marcia, for letting us spoil your sweet, sweet baby! =0) 
I know, it's just hay... but isn't there something just so beautiful & peaceful about these pictures? The first two pictures are in the side field, and the last one is in the field behind us. That field has rolling hills (slightly) that lead down to the big pond. I just love the country. (Of course, I have to admit that I love the manicured look of suburbia, too!)
